Hello..hi. So good to have you here…welcome to my blog. The purpose of today’s post it is to introduce myself and explain what this blog is all about. So yep, let’s get right into it…
My name is Lola, I am in my twenties. I am an observer, I observe and learn. Half the time, I push myself to reach and exceed my limits. I guess that is why I am never bored. I enjoy doing new things, new challenges and new experiences. In as much as I love meeting new people and sharing good vibes, I am a sucker for smaller circles and deep relationships. Honesty is my policy, if I can’t be honest I just prefer being silent or indifferent, which is not good but I still do it anyway. To keep myself sane, I write poems, songs and prayers. Singing has saved me, a lot. And no, I am not good at it, I just sing because I have a voice. And music happens to be my escape. When I feel overwhelmed, I sing. When I am excited I sing. When I am angry, I exercise hard and my body burns the next morning, lol. Yep, I love exercising and keeping healthy. One last thing about me, I am saved. Blood-washed, spirit-filled, demon-casting and all that. Being a Christian is the highlight of my life and it is the best decision I ever made.
So now, about my blog. I just want to share my opinions with the universe. I have been doing a lot of personal journaling lately but there are things that need to be shared, addressed in a broader setting, not just pen and paper. You know, I have been observing a lot, now it is time for me to speak up. And I feel like starting a blog will sort off give me a voice. Also, there are issues that I haven’t seen being addressed anywhere, this is the place where I will be addressing all things that have been bugging me. One last thing, I will be sharing my experiences, and what I have learnt from them. I also hope to grow as a writer!
Why Lola.spills? And the the tag line “just spills & nuggets”? As I have mentioned above, this blog is more about sharing my personal experiences that have taught me great life lessons and of course, my insights on some topical issues. So spills is taken from the phrase ‘spill the beans’, which basically means revealing deep information..haha. I just want to open up about my experiences and I hope someone, somewhere will learn from them. Then why nuggets? Nuggets speak to the societal issues going on and my take on them. Sometimes I will be sharing a bit of scripture and perspective on different topics. So yeah, that is how this whole name situation came about.
I am just looking forward to a great time of sharing, engaging, learning and unlearning. Excited..excited! 😍That’s my mood right now.
Many thanks for reading up to this far. I appreciate you!
People…! Hasn’t God been good…? We are within the last quarter of the year already, alive, healthy and all is great! Our God deserves all praise! 2020 has been a very tricky year, but look at you, you still standing. Ain’t God good?
Well, this is a huge one for me. When I look at what could have gone wrong, and what was at stake, I just get overwhelmed with gratitude. God has been so good to me. He has been with me through this and I believe I will finish this year on a higher note.
This portion of scripture right here, is God’s promise that I have seen Him fulfill in my life:
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
Isaiah 43 : 2 NLT | YouVersion
As we get into this last quarter, it is the best time to review those goals you made when the year began and see how far you’ve gone. This is the perfect time to visit your vision board and see how far you’ve come. And if you have been slagging on any of those goals, trust me there is still time.
Personally, I don’t do yearly goals. I feel like the year is way too long, I might not be the same person I was in January when we get to December, lol. I prefer short-term goals, it easier to keep track and of course, celebrate the small wins. But I guess it is important to have a “theme” or what to focus on that specific year, just for control. As a result, I have my goals ready for this last part of 2020. I am so much goal-oriented and so my life is just a summation of achieved goals and the not-so-achieved goals.
My theme this year is growth, in all aspects. Spiritually, mentally, socially, financially and otherwise. And have I not seen growth? I have. Each quarter I was designing goals or focus areas rather, to improve on, to grow. I won’t lie, there’ve been relapses here and there. With so much going on, it is easy to be discouraged and lose focus. Writing down my goals has helped me get back on track each time I slipped.
What I’m looking forward to…
Well, I am ending this year with a bang! Lol! This last quarter is just a season of praise and thanksgiving. 2020 has been too much on all of us, the least we can do is to hold on to what we still have. I still have my life, and I am grateful. I still have a source of income. My family is well. And this is enough for me. So yep, I am entering into this season with a heart full of praise and thanksgiving.
Also, this should be my season of rest. I have worked so hard, without granting myself some time out. I deserve it now. So next week I will just be home, catching up on my hobbies and spending time with family and friends, even if it could be virtual. I am really looking forward to this, pampering myself and all that.
So yeah, that’s it from me. Would be nice to hear what y’all are grateful for this year so far, reflections and what you are looking forward to as we wrap up this year.
This morning I felt so strongly about writing this piece, it all started with a conversation during my devotion. I am stunned by how the Holy Spirit is constantly nudging us into seeing things the way we should. It is so overwhelming and so humbling!
So, my post today is basically about how I have been seeing my scars, physical and non-physical scars. I have been seeing them as a hindrance or rather as an excuse. They were my reason for not becoming. My reason for not seeing myself the way God sees me. (I will try not to overly share in this post, I will do my best.)
I will start in the beginning, by defining these scars. Scars can be physical, seen by the naked eye and scars can also be non-physical, internal, only felt. The latter refers to emotional scars, childhood scars, and they may take more time and determination to heal. They maybe from unpleasant experiences, traumatic upbringing, harsh memories, toxic people, the list goes on and on. These are the scars I want to address today. And hey, everyone is scarred, one way or the other. Some of us find a way to live freely with our scars, while some of us go to the grave still bearing the hurt, shame of that which hurt us.
Owning your story is the best thing you’ll ever do, Brene Brown.
These scars are who we are. They tell a story of survival, they tell a story of healing and they will be used as a testimony if we wear them right. People need to see our scars so they can believe in healing. We need to acknowledge our scars. Wear them well. Wear them with pride. Wear them as proof that God heals.
Looking at the life of Jesus, our King, He rose from the grave with His scars, He appeared to His disciples with the scars.
See this portion of scripture, from John 20: 20-30:
20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin[a]), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” 28 Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”
NEW REVISED STANDARD VERSION (NRSV) 1989.
Just reading that, gets me excited. Like doubting Thomas, some people will need to see our scars, run their fingers through them, so that they can be healed. So that they can believe. I also admire how Jesus chose to show them his wounds, or rather the marks ( scars) on His hands, and the side. Well, He didn’t have to. But He did. For their own good, so that they could believe it was Him. He did it for us, to show us that our scars are a proof of victory. They are a sign that what was meant to kill you, did not kill you. You survived!
As I am writing this, I am at peace. This realization, revelation is all I needed to be at peace. I am owning my story. I am owning my scars. I will use them to trace how far I have come. I will use them to testify. I read somewhere that “scars are tattoos with better stories.” Indeed.
I pray that you are at peace also. With your past, and all the experiences that have scarred you. If it is still hurting, it is not a scar yet, but a wound. Allow yourself to heal. Begin by realizing that you need healing. Start from there. The wound will become a scar, slowly but surely, it will stop hurting…and then you will proudly wear your scar. With no shame, no doubt, no fear. You will just be displaying His splendor!
Spending time with the One who created you is ideal. He knows you. He knew you even before you became. Talk to Him about these scars. The things that make you feel unworthy, undeserving. He will guide You. All He wants is surrender.
The past few weeks, I told a friend that there are songs I am scared to sing, prayers I am afraid to make. I felt like I wasn’t ready. That was until I had a whisper …”you don’t have to be ready, just say yes“. That is how I surrendered. That is how I started singing these songs and I am constantly praying about this. I am not trying to figure things out. I am not going to search for the “how”. It is just a yes from me. Yes Lord.
Wooooow….thank you for reading.
Writing this was therapeutic for me. As I write, this is also emphasized in my spirit, and to say the least, I AM SO EXCITED! I just have this feeling, that God is doing a new thing. I need to be part of it. And He is stripping-off every weight that is pulling me down and making me doubt His work in me. So yeah! I am so expectant. And also, I want to end this year at a very high note, so “YES LORD“.
I am so excited about writing this post. So, from the title, you already know what it is about. I can’t believe we have been in this for 5 months already. It has been a very trying time for us all. But we are survivors, we will get through this. We are learning something. We are becoming!
To begin with, humans are social beings, right? Introverts are social beings too, we all are. Don’t judge me for assuming that, just because I love my own space, this whole lockdown situation was going to be fun. You know, being away from everyone and everybody and just indulging in your thoughts, dreams and simply spending time with your awesome self! I was excited, I was ready.
But then it hit me. My sister got a new job in another town. I was literally on my own. Only interacting with people digitally. Working from home became the new norm. Church got digital. It got really hard. Thinking about those first days of this lockdown makes me uncomfortable to this day. Some days I’d go to bed crying. Because I was missing people. I was missing human interaction. I was missing church. I was missing my sister. I was missing my family. It was tough. I was not okay. For quite a long time. I had just started living on my own during lockdown. I had just started a new job. I had just cut ties with a close friend even. Yhoooooo! I had a lot going on. So many changes. And I had no one by my side. Not a single soul in my corner. But I am here today, I survived that.
I am in a better place now. My faith pulled me out of that dark place. God rescued me. Slowly but surely, I became myself again. God used my friends and people I barely knew, to minister to me. Loneliness and isolation were replaced by different things I enjoy doing. I was used to exercising, but it wasn’t fun. I changed the routine and got interesting dance videos and working out has since become the highlight of my days. Also, I got intentional with my prayers. That is how I get strength. I started writing down my prayers. I started to intentionally read and meditate on God’s Word. I read testimonies of people who found themselves in similar situations. Gradually, the light started shinning. I started smiling. My heart was not heavy. I was myself again.
I pulled through. I am never going back to that place again. Funny thing is, nobody knew. This might not be a huge thing for most people, but it is a milestone for me. Depression is no joke. Mental health is the new gold. Anxiety attacks are real. Adapting to the new normal can be a nightmare. No one may understand my struggle as much as I do. But that does not mean it didn’t happen. I went through that. It was real. It was a real struggle. And I am glad it is a thing of the past now. And what pains is, I know a lot of people are going through this, and even worse. People are dying. Losing their loved ones. Losing their jobs. Life just got tricky. As if the pandemic was not disastrous enough, we are going through other social ills like racism, gender-based violence. It is very draining.
I am so grateful to God for getting me through these tough times. I am better now. And again….Depression is real. Anxiety attacks exist. Mental health is underrated. Adjusting to the new normal can be exhausting. Change is not always sweet. While the world is still going through a pandemic, I am here appreciating life. Appreciating growth. Growth is painful but necessary.
So yeah, that’s it, my lockdown chronicles!
Thank you for reading up to this line, I so much appreciate.
And hey, hang in there. It gets better. Do everything you can tobe okay.