Featured

Welcome…welcome!

Hello..hi. So good to have you here…welcome to my blog. The purpose of today’s post it is to introduce myself and explain what this blog is all about. So yep, let’s get right into it…

My name is Lola, I am in my twenties. I am an observer, I observe and learn. Half the time, I push myself to reach and exceed my limits. I guess that is why I am never bored. I enjoy doing new things, new challenges and new experiences. In as much as I love meeting new people and sharing good vibes, I am a sucker for smaller circles and deep relationships. Honesty is my policy, if I can’t be honest I just prefer being silent or indifferent, which is not good but I still do it anyway. To keep myself sane, I write poems, songs and prayers. Singing has saved me, a lot. And no, I am not good at it, I just sing because I have a voice. And music happens to be my escape. When I feel overwhelmed, I sing. When I am excited I sing. When I am angry, I exercise hard and my body burns the next morning, lol. Yep, I love exercising and keeping healthy. One last thing about me, I am saved. Blood-washed, spirit-filled, demon-casting and all that. Being a Christian is the highlight of my life and it is the best decision I ever made.

So now, about my blog. I just want to share my opinions with the universe. I have been doing a lot of personal journaling lately but there are things that need to be shared, addressed in a broader setting, not just pen and paper. You know, I have been observing a lot, now it is time for me to speak up. And I feel like starting a blog will sort off give me a voice. Also, there are issues that I haven’t seen being addressed anywhere, this is the place where I will be addressing all things that have been bugging me. One last thing, I will be sharing my experiences, and what I have learnt from them. I also hope to grow as a writer!

Why Lola.spills? And the the tag line “just spills & nuggets”? As I have mentioned above, this blog is more about sharing my personal experiences that have taught me great life lessons and of course, my insights on some topical issues. So spills is taken from the phrase ‘spill the beans’, which basically means revealing deep information..haha. I just want to open up about my experiences and I hope someone, somewhere will learn from them. Then why nuggets? Nuggets speak to the societal issues going on and my take on them. Sometimes I will be sharing a bit of scripture and perspective on different topics. So yeah, that is how this whole name situation came about.

I am just looking forward to a great time of sharing, engaging, learning and unlearning. Excited..excited! 😍That’s my mood right now.

Many thanks for reading up to this far. I appreciate you!

In The Mind of a 25-year Old!

So I turned 25 three months ago! With gratitude, gladness and tint of curiosity I am going to pour out the thoughts that have been on my mind lately. You know what they say, good news first and bad news last. And I am going to do just that, start off with the good stuff and end with the bad stuff.

But before I dive into that, I want to highlight what it really means to be 25 on this side of the globe. Well, it means YOU ARE A GROWN UP! And that is so scary to me. Society believes I should have most things figured out already and even getting ready to start my own family, if I do not have one already. Imagine! A whole me!? The thought of it is just shockingly sad. The fun thing about being this grown is that people finally see me and they believe that I have something to say ( I hope I do not disappoint them when they finally get to hear me speak up). I just like the independence that comes with it. Being my own self and making all these hard decisions. It is not easy being a 25-year old. So much pressure.

Another thing is; when I was a little girl I thought I’d get married at 25. Lol! Such a joke. I was young and hopeful. Look at me now. I am definitely far from that. Working on knowing myself and all that!

And all of a sudden, Sis loves pink flowers!

So, my thinking patterns have been around the matters discussed below:

The Good Thoughts

  • Belonging to a community – As the world is going through a pandemic, I have learnt that it is important for one to have a strong community around them. Having a sense of belonging is what gives you peace when the world around you is in turmoil. It is good to have people to hold you down when the issues of life blow by. Even one person can be your community. I have learnt that all we need in this life is just one person, to see us, to hear us, to love us. Human beings are social beings. Our souls crave community, human interaction, hanging around people who get you. Now that I am 25 I discover that I do not have this tribe of people around me. It is either I have pushed them away or I really never had them. Of which I believe the former is true. It is because of this realization that I am intentional about getting myself a tribe..!
  • My life’s purpose – I have thought a lot about my purpose lately, the reason for my existence. I have so many dreams that I have thrashed. But what if discovering my purpose lies in chasing those dreams and following my heart. I have thus repented from this behavior. God forbids laziness hence I should not be entertaining it either. Now that I am 25, I am really taking control of my life and pursuing my dreams. And it is okay if my dreams change a lot. Dreams and visions do get more defined when you get a different perspective or learn more about that particular idea. The idea is to keep moving, working on the now in preparation of the future. You know what they say, Experience is the best teacher!
Proverbs 6:9-11 (NIV)
How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
    When will you get up from your sleep?
10 A little sleep, a little slumber,
    a little folding of the hands to rest—
11 and poverty will come on you like a thief
    and scarcity like an armed man
  • My Planning – People who know me well, know that I hate planning. The frustration and anxiety that comes with it is too much. I have just been this person who knows what they want. And does exactly that when and if possible. But as a I young adult, I must admit that planning is very important. It saves one from a lot of trouble. It also gives one a sense of accountability. The things you write down are more like a promise to self. And goals without a plan are just words, meaningless words. I know what it feels like to have goals and be without a plan. This leads to high anxiety levels, which could be avoided if you plan. The previous year I went through things I could have avoided if I had actually planned the year. So I am looking forward to being a better planner this year.
  • My Faith – I have been thinking a lot about my faith as well. With this pandemic and everything else that is going on in the world (social injustice, racism, sick politics, deadly viruses and the natural disasters), one finds herself questioning her faith, somehow. I have discovered that I need to be rooted deeply in my faith in God such that whatever comes my way, finds me deeply rooted in Him.
This is my theme verse for the year. Source : Pinterest.
  • My authenticity to SELF – Many times I let my guard down and ignore how I feel just to avoid hurting the next person. I have recently realized that these suppressed emotions do more harm than good. It has a an element of denying yourself the goodness of being true to one’s self. The more we disregard our emotions, the more we won’t feel them anymore. We become numb. I don’t want to be emotionally dead. I want to feel it all, the good and the not-so-good. As a result, I have made a promise to be honor my feelings. Journaling is ideal especially because having someone to talk to on a daily can be quite a chore on its own.

Not-so-good thoughts:

  • My fears – I have a lot of time thinking about things that I fear in life. For starters, sickness terrifies me. It could be me or a loved one, either way, it still terrifies me. At the face of Covid-19, it has been hard to avoid getting ill. My loved ones got sick and that exposed my fear of sickness. It is not nosophobia, the fear of getting a disease. It is fear that is accompanied with pain, even if you are not the one battling the illness. The fear of the unknown. Imagining the pain the person is going through. The thoughts they might be having. Thinking if the are scared. Thinking about ways of making things better. Another that I have been thinking a lot about is the fear of being alone. I was definitely not cut out for being alone. Funny thing is I could be in a room full of people and still feel alone. I fear that this feeling may never go away. What if I die alone? In as much as I am introverted, I still need one person to be in my corner 24/7/365. Someone to be there all the time. It doesn’t really have to be the person I get married to. It could be a friend, my mum or whosoever. I just need a person I can call ‘My Person’. ( Watching Grey’s Anatomy gave me this idea of having someone to call “My Person”).
  • It’s all vanity – I have also been thinking a lot about the reason that everything exists. We are born to die. And that is just enough to make one think if it is really worth it. Well, I hope it is. Life should really be worth living. And our experiences determine if it is really worth it. I am putting a lot of effort in remaining hopeful that I am still to experience a lot of good things in my life. Things that will make it worth living!
Vanity of Vanities!

Well, well, well…that should be it. Until next time, keep well.

A Foreigner in My Homeland

I wrote this last year. Published it today.

My dad is Nigerian. I was born and bred in Swaziland / Eswatini. All my life I have lived through the stigma of being labelled a foreigner. To avoid the fuss, I had to lie about who I was. And this led to my identity crisis.

Well, that was a rough start, but I guess I have been dying to write about it. Picture this, you greet a stranger along the way, they make conversation ‘by the way, what’s your name?’. And before responding, you have to first assess if the response will not inspire further questions that will take you back to the past. I feel like this was a lot. Sometimes I would use my mum’s surname since she is a Swazi and people do not raise eyebrows when I tell them ‘I am a Simelane’. So, the truth is, I have been lying for the better part of my life, WOW!

I was born here. I grew in these streets. I went to school here. But there are still people who cannot say my name right. I have four siblings, hence I am not the only Bolaji out here. Some we correct and some simply do not wish to get it right. It broke my heart every single time. I know how it feels like to be called ‘lishangane’. I know how it feels like not to be given credit for work done because, really, WHO ARE YOU? Being overlooked, being unseen, I know it all. Having to prove myself every single time was my daily bread. I ran away from opportunities that I know would have served me well, I dimmed my light a countless times. I became and introverted because I was tired of the rejection as soon as they had my name.

The feeling of not belonging anywhere, it cuts deep. In as much as I have been born here, I will never belong here. The small things they talk about, their family histories, I can never relate. People here have praise names, which belong to the family tribe. People here have traditions that have been passed on from one generation to the next. They pride themselves in these traditions. Even though I dress like them, talk like them, practise the different traditions, it always feels like I am trying to convince someone or prove a point. Some even go to the extent of saying ‘you really look Swazi’. This is a sign, I will never belong here. And I can never belong in Nigeria, I have never been there. So yeah, my identity crisis really comes a long, long way.

I remember earlier this year, someone asked me, ‘So who is Lola’. I didn’t know what to say. I was not sure if they wanted to know the real me or the girl with a Yoruba name and surname. I paused for a moment, with many thoughts crossing my mind. I had many false descriptions going through my head, I just couldn’t pick the right one for this person. I guess I took very long since soon after I heard, ‘So you do not know yourself…’ That is when it clicked, the lightbulb moment. From that second I knew that my time with this identity crisis was up. I knew that I need to know who I am, regardless of who is asking. And the funny thing is, when I wrote my 2020 goals, one of them was SELF KNOWLEDGE. God works in mysterious ways.

Fast forward to where I am now. I know who I am. I know what I stand for. . I know what I want. This is definitely my 2020 highlight. Definitely looking forward to the next year with gladness, thanksgiving, and gratitude. The weight that has been holding me down is no more!

I could not have known who I am without referring closely to Christ, His works, His character. Relying on earthly descriptions and determinants, society perspectives was not an option. Besides, even if I wanted to, it wouldn’t work for me. The best and only way for me was to look unto Jesus. Tell myself I am who He says I am, continuously. Of course, there are days where I do not feel so encouraged and that is okay, I try again the next day. This is my journey. This is my story.

The Saviour Needs a Saviour

Life is interesting. We give with the notion that we will never lack. “Give and it shall be given unto you”. We spread goodness with the hope that it will come back to us. We save the day, we provide solutions, but when we are the ones in need, there’s no one in sight to lend a hand. At some point you just wish there was another ‘you’ somewhere who will just know exactly what you need and come through for you.

As I was thinking about this, it hit me how Jesus faced something similar. Remember when He was being crucified, the mockery around ‘He can save others but cannot save Himself‘. It is humbling to learn that what we are going through today, the Master experienced too. You see how you have to be there for people, listen and help out. But no one is really there for you, just to listen and help out.

What I am learning from Jesus’ experience is that, despite the mockery, the pain, He still persevered and fulfilled His purpose. At some point He cried out to God, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthan’. Such a sad encounter. The Saviour crying out to be saved. It was too much to bear. He almost couldn’t take it anymore. But He knew He had to, because of His calling.

How I envy Jesus! The courage, the perseverance and fulfillment of purpose against all odds. Sometimes when things get overwhelming and everyone wants a piece of you, it is tempting to just disappear, run away from it all. But then it hits you, what if I am their last option, what if this is God’s will for my life, what if this is my purpose for today? So many times I wanted to run away from helping people, because no one is ever there when I need help. But as I spend time with God I see that I was being selfish. ‘To him whom much is given, much is required’.

The Holy Spirit was so gently with me. He told me that I can’t serve/minister if I still want to accomplish my selfish ambitions. He made me see that the self-inspired desires are going to hinder my purpose in ministry. The order He presented was God first, His people, then I come last. It takes time to master this concept and everyday is a chance to try again and do better than yesterday.

Putting yourself last in a world that preaches self-love can be confusing.

Jesus needed a Saviour when He cried out on the cross. His Daddy or big brother. But nobody came to the rescue because a mission had to be accomplished! We needed Him to be strong for us and the the generations to come! And HE was. I am just glad I have Jesus. I don’t have to go through what HE went through. He couldn’t be saved so that I can be saved. He didn’t have a saviour so that I can have one. When the world fails me, I can always turn to Him, just to pour my heart.

Despite how I may feel….!

Thank you for reading.

Little Girl – A poem

Hey little girl
What happened to your dreams
The fire that burned within you
The passion that inspired your every action
What happened to you, little girl?

Now that you're all grown
Don't you miss that,
Being inspired, motivated and expectant.
What happened to you?
What killed that zeal to become?

I am calling you back to life,
Your dreams, vision and purpose, bring it on!
Rise up little girl
The world is your oyster,
Nations are waiting on you,
Fetch your life!
Waiting on you to catch up, little girl.

Scary Things I Have Learnt | 7 Months of Employment

So I have been longing to write this piece and pour my heart for a long time now. I am glad to be finally doing it, yey!!

It has been 7 months in this job but a total of 15 months in the corporate world. I have learnt a thing or two that I wish I knew earlier. But maybe I am deceiving myself, I wouldn’t have listened! Some things you need to experience first-hand to appreciate fully.

The best news I received this year. Sourced from Pinterest.

And well, there are things which no amount of school, guidance or good counsel can ever prepare you for!

My list of scary things I have learned as a young professional is as follows, in no particular order;

  1. Naivety – of course I lacked experience and more than that, the skills required for the job. I felt so worthless. The level at which I felt like I was not fully equipped for the job was so terrifying. I felt helpless and I was scared. You know the feeling, right? The feeling that “you don’t know a thing and it’s going to cost you”. To this day I can’t say I know much already, but I am getting the hang of it. Being part of a good team has a helped a great deal!
  2. People-pleaser – well, the first months in the office, revealed that I am a people-pleaser. I wanted to make everyone happy. I just wanted to be liked. And labelled the ‘nice’ girl. But that was until I realized I won’t get anywhere with that mindset. I needed to quickly establish what I want to be known for. That might take some time, but at least it is clear that I don’t want to be labelled the ‘nice’ girl. And yes, I am done pleasing people. But that doesn’t mean I am now mean or anything like that.
  3. I am being watched – this one shocked me. People you hardly even talk to, you never see, will pass comments that have the element of ‘we are watching you’. People will give feedback, and sometimes you are not even expecting it. Sometimes it comes as a compliment or a suggestion on how you can do better. This has made me realize the importance of integrity. You never know who is watching, hence you should be on your A-game 24/7.
  4. Introversion won’t work – to be honest, I knew that leaving school and going out there into the professional world, will require me to drop some introvert habits. But I didn’t take any actions to prepare myself. At some point I found myself having lunch in the empty, quiet auditorium because there were so many people everywhere. Chit-chat all over. Small talk all over. I needed quite time. Not smiling, not talking, not thinking about something that was being said, not struggling to find the right words to respond with. But just absorbed in my thoughts and probably thinking about nothing specific. So yeah, I am still teaching myself take-off the introvert helmet each time I get to work.
  5. Read between the lines – not everything will be written in black and white, you have to read between the lines. This one is obvious but it was not just embedded in my subconscious mind. When I got this job, I expected everything to be spelled out to me, hold my hand and tell me what to, and not do. I quickly assumed that if something was not mentioned, I am not going to do it. And once or twice I found myself in boiling water, lol!
I will do it. Sourced from Pinterest.

To be honest, I was never emotionally prepared for this journey. It is a tricky one, especially if you find yourself in a huge company with close to 100 staff members.

I have grown! Still a long way to go, but I am determined to reach my full potential and achieve my wildest dreams in the corporate world!

Step by step. One day at a time. Sourced from Pinterest.

LET NOT YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED!

I will bring HEALTH and HEALING to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant PEACE and SECURITY — Jeremiah 33:6 2020

"Why are you troubled Oh my soul
Why are cast down Oh my spirit
Don't you know, have you forgotten
That the One who created you
Has everything under control
Destiny is calling
But trust His timing
His will and not yours
His ways and not yours"

Lately, I have been so anxious, worried and restless. Being goal-oriented and an achiever (deriving happiness from tangible achievements) is not really a good combination. I have been constantly beating myself up for things that I could have achieved, but for some reason, I couldn’t. This has also made me overlook the great accomplishments that came with this year, 2020. You know the feeling, right? Of looking at where you are right now, and where you need to be in the future and feeling like the gap in between is just way too much and overwhelming. This is me half the time.

But I am glad to say, right now I am in a better place. I am happy with myself. I love how far I have come just yet. I appreciate the efforts and the courage that I put in daily to be a better me! I am doing great! God is good.

He gives me peace…even when surrounded by troubled waters. He holds me still through the world’s turmoil. He is my safe place, my soul’s perfect friend!

4th Quarter…we made it!

People…! Hasn’t God been good…? We are within the last quarter of the year already, alive, healthy and all is great! Our God deserves all praise! 2020 has been a very tricky year, but look at you, you still standing. Ain’t God good?

Well, this is a huge one for me. When I look at what could have gone wrong, and what was at stake, I just get overwhelmed with gratitude. God has been so good to me. He has been with me through this and I believe I will finish this year on a higher note.

This portion of scripture right here, is God’s promise that I have seen Him fulfill in my life:

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

Isaiah 43 : 2 NLT | YouVersion

Reflections…

As we get into this last quarter, it is the best time to review those goals you made when the year began and see how far you’ve gone. This is the perfect time to visit your vision board and see how far you’ve come. And if you have been slagging on any of those goals, trust me there is still time.

Personally, I don’t do yearly goals. I feel like the year is way too long, I might not be the same person I was in January when we get to December, lol. I prefer short-term goals, it easier to keep track and of course, celebrate the small wins. But I guess it is important to have a “theme” or what to focus on that specific year, just for control. As a result, I have my goals ready for this last part of 2020. I am so much goal-oriented and so my life is just a summation of achieved goals and the not-so-achieved goals.

My theme this year is growth, in all aspects. Spiritually, mentally, socially, financially and otherwise. And have I not seen growth? I have. Each quarter I was designing goals or focus areas rather, to improve on, to grow. I won’t lie, there’ve been relapses here and there. With so much going on, it is easy to be discouraged and lose focus. Writing down my goals has helped me get back on track each time I slipped.

It is the little things that count. Write them down to keep track.
What I’m looking forward to…

Well, I am ending this year with a bang! Lol! This last quarter is just a season of praise and thanksgiving. 2020 has been too much on all of us, the least we can do is to hold on to what we still have. I still have my life, and I am grateful. I still have a source of income. My family is well. And this is enough for me. So yep, I am entering into this season with a heart full of praise and thanksgiving.

Also, this should be my season of rest. I have worked so hard, without granting myself some time out. I deserve it now. So next week I will just be home, catching up on my hobbies and spending time with family and friends, even if it could be virtual. I am really looking forward to this, pampering myself and all that.

So yeah, that’s it from me. Would be nice to hear what y’all are grateful for this year so far, reflections and what you are looking forward to as we wrap up this year.

Much love,

Lola.

Beautifully Scarred

This morning I felt so strongly about writing this piece, it all started with a conversation during my devotion. I am stunned by how the Holy Spirit is constantly nudging us into seeing things the way we should. It is so overwhelming and so humbling!

So, my post today is basically about how I have been seeing my scars, physical and non-physical scars. I have been seeing them as a hindrance or rather as an excuse. They were my reason for not becoming. My reason for not seeing myself the way God sees me. (I will try not to overly share in this post, I will do my best.)

I will start in the beginning, by defining these scars. Scars can be physical, seen by the naked eye and scars can also be non-physical, internal, only felt. The latter refers to emotional scars, childhood scars, and they may take more time and determination to heal. They maybe from unpleasant experiences, traumatic upbringing, harsh memories, toxic people, the list goes on and on. These are the scars I want to address today. And hey, everyone is scarred, one way or the other. Some of us find a way to live freely with our scars, while some of us go to the grave still bearing the hurt, shame of that which hurt us.

Owning your story is the best thing you’ll ever do, Brene Brown.

These scars are who we are. They tell a story of survival, they tell a story of healing and they will be used as a testimony if we wear them right. People need to see our scars so they can believe in healing. We need to acknowledge our scars. Wear them well. Wear them with pride. Wear them as proof that God heals.

Looking at the life of Jesus, our King, He rose from the grave with His scars, He appeared to His disciples with the scars.

See this portion of scripture, from John 20: 20-30:

20 After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” 22 When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

24 But Thomas (who was called the Twin[a]), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” 28 Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

NEW REVISED STANDARD VERSION (NRSV) 1989.

Just reading that, gets me excited. Like doubting Thomas, some people will need to see our scars, run their fingers through them, so that they can be healed. So that they can believe. I also admire how Jesus chose to show them his wounds, or rather the marks ( scars) on His hands, and the side. Well, He didn’t have to. But He did. For their own good, so that they could believe it was Him. He did it for us, to show us that our scars are a proof of victory. They are a sign that what was meant to kill you, did not kill you. You survived!

As I am writing this, I am at peace. This realization, revelation is all I needed to be at peace. I am owning my story. I am owning my scars. I will use them to trace how far I have come. I will use them to testify. I read somewhere that “scars are tattoos with better stories.” Indeed.

I pray that you are at peace also. With your past, and all the experiences that have scarred you. If it is still hurting, it is not a scar yet, but a wound. Allow yourself to heal. Begin by realizing that you need healing. Start from there. The wound will become a scar, slowly but surely, it will stop hurting…and then you will proudly wear your scar. With no shame, no doubt, no fear. You will just be displaying His splendor!

Spending time with the One who created you is ideal. He knows you. He knew you even before you became. Talk to Him about these scars. The things that make you feel unworthy, undeserving. He will guide You. All He wants is surrender.

The past few weeks, I told a friend that there are songs I am scared to sing, prayers I am afraid to make. I felt like I wasn’t ready. That was until I had a whisper …”you don’t have to be ready, just say yes“. That is how I surrendered. That is how I started singing these songs and I am constantly praying about this. I am not trying to figure things out. I am not going to search for the “how”. It is just a yes from me. Yes Lord.

Wooooow….thank you for reading.

Writing this was therapeutic for me. As I write, this is also emphasized in my spirit, and to say the least, I AM SO EXCITED! I just have this feeling, that God is doing a new thing. I need to be part of it. And He is stripping-off every weight that is pulling me down and making me doubt His work in me. So yeah! I am so expectant. And also, I want to end this year at a very high note, so “YES LORD“.

Till next time….!

Lockdown Chronicles

It is that time again.. Yeeeeeeeeey!

I am so excited about writing this post. So, from the title, you already know what it is about. I can’t believe we have been in this for 5 months already. It has been a very trying time for us all. But we are survivors, we will get through this. We are learning something. We are becoming!

To begin with, humans are social beings, right? Introverts are social beings too, we all are. Don’t judge me for assuming that, just because I love my own space, this whole lockdown situation was going to be fun. You know, being away from everyone and everybody and just indulging in your thoughts, dreams and simply spending time with your awesome self! I was excited, I was ready.

But then it hit me. My sister got a new job in another town. I was literally on my own. Only interacting with people digitally. Working from home became the new norm. Church got digital. It got really hard. Thinking about those first days of this lockdown makes me uncomfortable to this day. Some days I’d go to bed crying. Because I was missing people. I was missing human interaction. I was missing church. I was missing my sister. I was missing my family. It was tough. I was not okay. For quite a long time. I had just started living on my own during lockdown. I had just started a new job. I had just cut ties with a close friend even. Yhoooooo! I had a lot going on. So many changes. And I had no one by my side. Not a single soul in my corner. But I am here today, I survived that.

I am in a better place now. My faith pulled me out of that dark place. God rescued me. Slowly but surely, I became myself again. God used my friends and people I barely knew, to minister to me. Loneliness and isolation were replaced by different things I enjoy doing. I was used to exercising, but it wasn’t fun. I changed the routine and got interesting dance videos and working out has since become the highlight of my days. Also, I got intentional with my prayers. That is how I get strength. I started writing down my prayers. I started to intentionally read and meditate on God’s Word. I read testimonies of people who found themselves in similar situations. Gradually, the light started shinning. I started smiling. My heart was not heavy. I was myself again.

I pulled through. I am never going back to that place again. Funny thing is, nobody knew. This might not be a huge thing for most people, but it is a milestone for me. Depression is no joke. Mental health is the new gold. Anxiety attacks are real. Adapting to the new normal can be a nightmare. No one may understand my struggle as much as I do. But that does not mean it didn’t happen. I went through that. It was real. It was a real struggle. And I am glad it is a thing of the past now. And what pains is, I know a lot of people are going through this, and even worse. People are dying. Losing their loved ones. Losing their jobs. Life just got tricky. As if the pandemic was not disastrous enough, we are going through other social ills like racism, gender-based violence. It is very draining.

I am so grateful to God for getting me through these tough times. I am better now. And again….Depression is real. Anxiety attacks exist. Mental health is underrated. Adjusting to the new normal can be exhausting. Change is not always sweet. While the world is still going through a pandemic, I am here appreciating life. Appreciating growth. Growth is painful but necessary.

So yeah, that’s it, my lockdown chronicles!

Thank you for reading up to this line, I so much appreciate.

And hey, hang in there. It gets better. Do everything you can to be okay.

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started